Postcard 2: Dinner AND a Show. There Are No Words.
There are seven of us who have
descended upon Pigeon Forge, and when we got here, Andrew presented
each of us with a flask, anticipating we are in a dry county.
Last night, we flask-toting folks were herded through Dolly Parton's
Dixieland Stampede, where we ate dinner while watching a show.
The dinner show has been modified for the holidays, so elves
from the North Pole and Elves from the South Pole compete against
each other to determine who makes the best toys. As we gathered
around in a tight circle so that we could all empty our flasks
into fruit juice served in a souvenir boot, I overheard one gentleman
singing the praises of the Dixieland Stampede: "I mean,
you get dinner AND a show. You know. You can't beat that for
the price."
The show consists of several equestrian competitions between the North Pole and the South Pole. I'm not sure where these elves learned to ride living in the Polar Regions, but we'll chalk that up as Christmas Magic. In between, they had a number of other race competitions that were simply captivating, awe-inspiring, and left the whole roasted chicken served us hanging from my gaping mouth.
While the children chasing the chickens was fun, it was the hog races that truly impressed me, more so than the expert horse riding and marksmanship. Particularly the second round, when they erected barriers and we witnessed hurtling hogs. "How do you think they get those hogs to race like that?" I asked Andrew.
"Only one gets fed?"
Looking back, I'm still not sure how I feel about the racing ostriches. I've never seen a person ride an ostrich before, and there is something about a person clenching an ostrich's neck to stay on that just seems inhumane. Maybe that's why they were running so fast.
The biggest disappointment about seeing the Christmas version of the show is that we didn't get to see how the North wins in a mock Civil War, and there not be an audience stampede. Or do they simply alter history, and send all the Yankees in the audience crawling back to their cars, quick to cover their license plates?
Of course, on the upside, the
Christmas show does contain an ice-skating Virgin Mary and Joseph,
which had me in complete awe. When the wise men, one of which
was Asian, came riding in on camelback, I couldn't help but wonder
where they got the camels as I'm sure they're not indigenous
to Appalachia. I had no idea the Wise Men brought the Baby Jesus
lamé. If I were directing the scene, I think I would have
done without the fog, though. True, the fog adds mystique, but
it completely covered the herd of sheep, and the barnyard effect
was entirely gone. I was quite impressed with how the Angel caught
a lone peace dove with her bare hands while suspended from the
rafters on a wire, just to the left of the North Star. Certainly,
growing up, she's chased a lot of chickens. The only thing that
would have possibly completed the scene was if the Baby Jesus
had sat up in his crib and done a jive to the upbeat Manheim
Steamroller remix, right along with his swinging mama and papa.
Sometimes, there simply are no words. Sometimes, the world
defies articulation. Sometimes, you can put no context around
an event that might make more sense if you had context. That
was last night. I mean, dinner AND a show. Simply, there are
no words.