FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: December 1, 2002 12:00 p.m.

Long John's Misery Brings Much Joy

BARNES PLACE (ATLANTA, GEORGIA) - "Long John has recovered from his surgery enough to be absolutely pissed at us," declared Director of Catering and Guest Relations Anthony Dornacher. For two days, he hobbled around on three legs, his forth in a soft cast. Saturday, he had the cast removed, but to prevent him from licking his wound, he's been giving a satellite dish-like lamp shade to wear around his neck.

Attached to his studded leather collar, he looks like a flying nun running through the house. The collar makes nudging his way under the covers impossible, and with the narrowed peripheral vision, his turning radius has gone from two feet to five ­ that is, if he doesn't catch the lamp shade on the door jam. He can't play with any of his toys as his legs are not long enough to get around the lamp shade, and he's embarrassed to eat in front of the cat as he doesn't have the vertical height to get the lamp shade over the edge of the bowl.

"I suggested, brilliantly," said Director of Ambiance and Entertainment Timothy State, "that we hang ornaments from wires attached to the shade, so they dangle and sparkle in front of him." Dornacher nixed the idea before State could find the wire. Houseboy Dan suggested we decorate it with faux fur for the Holiday Lighting Ceremony next Saturday. Long John may still be receiving TV reception as the canine satellite dish

"His misery," said State, "I'm afraid to say, is bringing me much joy. He looks like absolute royalty with the lamp shade on, and behaves like a circus clown."

Long John however, feels differently, giving Dornacher the look of death every chance he can. To see pictures of the recovering pup, visit his web page at: http://www.barnesplace.com/animals/lj/recover/

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