November 22, 2001 Granted, Today is Day for Thanks When you're a gay man, there are certain aspects of life you can't take for granted. Others sometimes do, but we can't. As a gay man, you can't take your family for granted. So many of our friends have been banished from their homes, cut-off from their family, simply because they are gay. Simply because Mom and Dad don't believe it's right. Simply because their family has become so distracted by living up to the expectations of others, they simply have forgot what it means to be a family, to love unconditionally, and to accept what you cannot change. You can't take your friends for granted. People you connect with deeply are so rare. When you do come across a person who touches you, life moves at such a quick pace, we've come to learn you must work hard to keep them because tomorrow, they may not be there. You can't take health insurance for granted. Or right of survivorship, or housing or employment for that matter. Any of these can be taken away from you without notice, or denied simply because you're gay. Most people don't know the basic rights we all take for granted that can be denied a man simple because he lives with another man. You can't take your life for granted. Matthew Shepard. Fred Martinez, Jr. And this week, Aaron Webster. The list of names goes on. It's a list of talented, capable people whose lives have been taken by another so filled with hate, they can rationalize killing another person. Every week of the year, we read of another gay man whose life has been taken in a beating or slaying not because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, but because they were gay. So on this day, we take a moment as gay men to give thanks. There is plenty for us to be thankful for. We are thankful for the family we create. We are thankful for all the Moms and Dads out there. Even though you are not our Mom and Dad, your love and acceptance has touched us at the deepest level, and it gives us great comfort to know that we don't just have to rely on our Moms and Dads who brought us into this world. We are thankful for the entire network of Moms and Dads who open their doors and their hearts and welcome us into their lives. And of course, we are thankful for our true families, who are unconditionally supportive. We are thankful for the friends who stand by us. You are our foundation. You give us strength when we have none. You make us smile when we feel nothing but a frown. The ups are twice as high when you're around, and the downs half as low. We are thankful for all the time you give us, and the moments we share. We are thankful there are people in our lives who value the contributions of others over what goes on in their personal lives. We are thankful we don't have to live in the constant fear our job will be terminated simply because a superior cannot evaluate our performance, and feels the need to make a statement about their personal prejudices. And we are thankful there are experts who can help us to protect what others naturally have, so that one unfortunate moment will not unravel our lives forever. We are thankful we have our life and we are able to live our life to the fullest without narrow-mindedness standing in the way. And that we are able to reach out, touch and move others. We are thankful that our life and the way we live it makes a difference in the lives of others. Because of our families, our friends who are like family, and those around us in our daily lives and interactions, our life can and does make a difference in the world. That might just be what we are most thankful for. Best, Timothy State & Anthony Dornacher