FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: March 1, 2003, 10:40 a.m.

Social Alert Status Upgraded to Code Tangerine
Full-Fledged Sash Show-Down

BARNES PLACE (ATLANTA, GEORGIA) - In an unprecedented move, the Social Secretary at Barnes Place upgraded the Social Alert Level to Code Tangerine from Code Lemon Drop in the middle of the night last night. Code Tangerine means there is a high risk of social fouls and citizens should take appropriate cautionary steps. The first-ever increase came just moments after intelligence sources learned of a flanking party scheduled to deliver a deliberate and damaging blow to Barnes Place.

Social Intelligence reports indicate a "Pageant Party" fundraiser scheduled at Mary's on Monday, March 24, coordinated with the Miss U.S.A. Pageant. This is the same night that Barnes Place usually hosts "Potluck and Pageant ­ Bring a Dish and Dish." The fundraiser, at a bar appropriately called Mary's, is to raise funds for CHRIS Rainbow Home, a home for gay youth who have been rejected by their families.

"We own the trademark on Potluck and Pageant," said Director of Ambiance and Entertainment Timothy State, who usually features his signature dish, Weenie Scaloppini at the event. "We also own Pizza and Pageants." Barnes Place usually hosts Pizza and Pageants for the Miss American Pageant in September. "But they're raising money for gay youth. You simply can't compete with gay youth," added State.

Organizers for the gay youth event are presenting the first 51 guests who attend with a sash, representing each of the 50 states and D.C. "I should have you over to my house some time," said an organizer to State. "I've made thirty-six sashes. And, when they photograph, they look just like the ones on television. It's really cool."

The organizer credited Barnes Place to intelligence gatherers: "I've even made up Armchair Ballots, just like Barnes Place. That's such a cool idea idea. I hope they don't mind. I feel really bad because I know they have their big event, and I feel like I'm upstaging something really cool, but I hope they'll still come. It'd be really cool if they would come."

According to intelligence, the organizer thought that the folks at Barnes Place sound like really cool people. "I love that they throw parties for pageants and get together to watch pageants. That's really cool. Like, I'm friends with 1993 Miss America, Leanza Cornett, and when she won I went into her suite, and she was sitting in the whirlpool with her crown on, and she was like, 'I'M MISS AMERICA! I'M MISS AMERICA.' Are you familiar with Turn for the Judges? It's a website that has all the pageant news.  www.tftj.com. You should go. It's really great. That's just so cool that they get together to watch pageants."

State stated the 2001 Miss U.S.A. Pageant was the best with William Shatner as host right after Miss Congeniality hit the box offices. The Miss U.S.A. Pageant offers no apologies presenting the attitude, "Yeah, we objectify women. Got a problem with that?"

"Right, right," said the gay youth event organizer. "I totally agree with that. I got that one on tape. I got all of them on tape. You should come over some time and we can watch it."

Social Intelligence learned the CHRIS Rainbow House sashes are only half-sashes, and will need to be safety-pinned to the shirt at the top and bottom. "You might be able to get away with half-sashes in Orlando," said Houseboy Daniel Preister. "But this is Atlanta. They're in the big leagues now." Sub-sequinly, Barnes Place engineers are developing a 3-Point Safety Sash that secures to the beauty contestant in three locations while fully-wrapping the contestant.

In a last-minute effort for pageant peace, the organizers of the gay youth event offered, "We should try to coordinate something together for Miss Universe. Like I think it could be really cool."

In a bold statement, State declared organizers must, "Like, de-sash, or else." It appears to be a full-fledged Sash Show-Down.

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