Bombing at Centennial Olympic Park Creates Holiday Disaster There was another bombing in Centennial Olympic Park tonight. You won't hear about it on the news, though. Michael Bolton, in Atlanta to lead a crowd of onlookers through a round of Christmas Carols with the Smyrna First Baptist Celebration Choir and Praise Band, bombed terribly making us sing out, "Holy Mary Mother of God, make it stop!" It was obvious from the start there would be carnage everywhere, but we couldn't resist. We became transfixed as the accident blew up on the stage in front of us. Certainly, someone should have seen this tragedy coming. If only Atlanta had been more prepared. Now I realize only a few have professional event planning under their belt. I understand it is unusual to teach the County Queens of the State of Indiana the Boot Scootin' Boogie. And 'Coordinate Santa arrival via Helicopter during a live stage show on a floating dock with pyrotechnic finale' is not on everyone's resume. So when I critique an event, it is not through a snobbishly critical eye, rather it is with sympathy and understanding. The Doug Davidson Soap Opera Stars will walk away from your Price Is Right Model Search the minute they become bored. The 5,000 gallons of water in Underwater Man's tank will spill across your food court when an 8-year-old gets too close, tripping over the emergency release valve, draining your event in seconds. And, in a crowd of toddlers, one will always strike out against a mascot, piercing the most vulnerable part of the costume. If you're going to plan events, though, you must prepare for disaster. An tonight, there was no preparing for what happened tonight. We have been left mourning. You can duck bullets, but there was no way to avoid the line of fire of those voices. Covered in vocal shrapnel, we have become victims of poor planning. Generally, it's a good idea to work through a few issues prior to anyone hopping on stage before a waiting audience. Issues like, "Do all the performers know the words?" Or, "As host, you'll be expected to sing along, so please stay on-stage until the end of the song." Or, "The Smyrna First Baptist Celebration Choir would like to sing 'She-Bop, Little Jesus.' It's upbeat. Can you look excited, or is a deer-caught-in-headlights the range of your facial expressions?" Or, "When the choir sings 'She-Bop, Little Jesus,' budding Diana Ross wanna-bes, please constrain your gyrations to a back-and-forth swaying motion as other pelvic thrust movements don't match the message of the song." We stood watch tonight as the winner of two Grammys for Best Male Vocalist, six American Music Awards, and the seller of over 45 million albums world-wide, failed to recall the words to any song the choir sang, including, but not limited to, "Jingle Bells", "Silent Night", "Rudolph" and "White Christmas." The choir unintentionally made "We wish you a Merry Christmas" into a round, and the Praise Band broke a guitar string every other song. Keys are what you use to get into your car. Notes are what you pass in class. And you can hang your laundry on chords. Now I'm not a big fan of Michael Bolton, so I can't say that I know his biography like I know the life stories of the six Brady children (who, by the way, produced a Christmas album with greater success than tonight's concert). But why Michael Bolton would ever agree to sing at a 30-minute free concert for 200 people with a no-name church choir of Wal-mart Winter Wonderland Sweaters is absolutely beyond us. Does anyone know if he was arrested for drunk driving and this counts for two hours of community service? Was this concert arranged by a parole officer, or an agent? Or is he desperate for cash? Certainly work-out videos, info-mercials, a line of salad dressing, or psychic network endorsements would put a bigger turkey on his Christmas table. Within thirty minutes, the Trauma Center Disaster Drill was complete, and the victims were evacuated. Investigators should know the cause soon. In the off-chance that you should hear something more in the news, know that we have made it home safe, for the most part, unscathed. At least we can say we weren't ripped off. For those who were closer to the stage, our hearts go out to them and their families this holiday season