“No body works harder for our country than our veterans. Well, except for the clergy. Nobody works harder,” Jack Miuccio said to the crowd before dedicating Elvis’ “American Trilogy” to our troops. Jack was performing on the Larry Maggio Stage at this weekend’s
Festa Pasta Vino festival in
Little Italy. He apologized to the crowd, indicating that Johnny Maggio, who had been scheduled to perform, had a festival emergency at the last minute, and had to preform at another street festival.
He followed “American Trilogy” with Frank’s “Fly Me to the Moon,” which echoed in competition with “Fly Me to the Moon” being sung by
Gigolo Johnny on the Main Stage at the other end of the block. Gigolo Johnny was not as svelte as one might expect their gigolos. He transitioned to “My Girl,” leaping off the stage. The hot, sweaty, spongy Gigolo Johnny cooed into the faces of women. As he returned to the stage, he saw a toddler girl. He leaned into her face.
“My girl,” he sang out.
A collective “ah” escaped the crowd as cameras flashed.
“Talkin’ ‘bout my girl.”
Gigolo Johnny picked her up. She cringed in the way you’d imaging a toddler would when embraced by an overheated washed-up lounge act.
“I’ve got so much honey the bees envy me.”
Cameras flashed as he paraded around the crowd with a stolen toddler.
“I’ve got a sweeter song that the birds and the trees.”
The child’s mother clutched her breast, thrilled her daughter was the center of the show. The toddler looked as if she might scream. Or thrown up.
“Well I guess you’d say, what can make me feel this way?”
The crowd sang out, “My girl! Talkin’ ‘bout my girl!”
When he set the girl down, she ran to her mother, latching on to her leg. The crowd leapt to its feet in thunderous ovation.
There were two empty seats in the front row, so we sat across the aisle from the woman who gave her child up to a sweaty lounge singer.
Soon
Bobby Valli, brother to Frank Valli of the Four Season, took the stage. He performed a forty minute tribute to his brother, stealing all their hits. The versions were flat, and his sidekick of thirty-six years wasn’t helping much either. Missing three teeth on the bottom of his mouth and four on the top, he added a breezy sound to Bobby’s tone deaf voice.
In between songs, Bobby would turn his back to the crowd, taking a swig from his water bottle, only it wasn’t water. With the brown tint, it could have been Lipton tea, but his glazed-over look gave the impression it might be something a little stronger.
Bobby sang a song he dedicated to his mother. His dead mother, and all the other mothers who were in the crowd. He hung his head as the final notes of the song twittered out, and he turned his back to take another swig. When he faced the crowd, he was weeping.
Bobby wiped his eyes, and then proclaimed he was neither pro-war or against the war.
“We live in the greatest country in the world,” he said. “So I wrote this song and I hope you like it. It’s called, ‘America, A Home for You and Me.’ I might be going to Iraq to produce the music video.”
The crowd applauded.
“In the land of milk and honey,” he began to sing. Bobby’s swigs of his magic tea were now happening between verses. After the song, he did one more tribute to his brother, Frank.
“I wish I had his money,” he said, forgetting talent.
As he sang his brother’s songs, entire lines dropped out. He just waved the microphone to the crowd. The older set filled them in.
The rest of us ate cannoli.