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Indiana Jones Can't Save You From This Tired Movie

        Save yourselves, people, and avoid seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We went to go see it Friday night, thinking it would be an excellent holiday weekend diversion. Instead, found it tedious, unimaginative with an weak and undeveloped plot. I remember a few years back, when the first episode of Star Wars came out. Harrison Ford had been asked if he would ever consider a starring role in the modern-day Star Wars franchise. His reply was something akin to Star Wars being the perfect stepping stone in his career, but he has now moved beyond such movies, preferring more complex characters and roles.
        Ironically, this episode of Indiana Jones is far from complex.
        Nearly an hour into the movie, I found myself thinking, Oh, now that’s interesting, as the characters exchange dialogue setting up the entire plot premiss. It was delivered in such an unsophistication fashion, they might just have well said, “Ladies and gentlemen, from this point forward, this will be the tension that we came up with in order to tap into this money-making franchise one more time.”
        Honestly, the woman sitting next to me making calls on her cell phone was significantly more engaging than the plot, the characters, and at times, the action. Under normal circumstances, I would have called her out, but finding out what was going on with her baby daddy while she was on a date was far more interesting than Harrison Ford.
        A few weeks ago I heard a report on NPR that focused in on the buying power of us cynical Gen-Xers now that we’ve achieved financial security. Unfortunate for corporate America, we’re not consuming at the rate our predecessors have when they were at the life stage we are now in. As a result, corporate America is going to have to find new ways to entice us to part with our money, and one anticipated strategy: nostalgia. Particularly nostalgia we can share with our children.
        In Hollywood, this means pulling out movies we grew up on, dusting them off, and making them fresh again. Live Free or Die Hard did this with expert brilliance. In fact, I told my Old Man that if he really loved me, Daddy Santa would bring me a copy of the DVD for Christmas. Sure enough, come Christmas morning, I found the bomb-proof tin container of the “Collector’s Edition” wrapped nicely at the foot of the Christmas Jesus.
        That’s the type of movie Indiana Jones could have been--one with smart, savvy dialogue, a brilliant plot that pays homage to the original, all while being packaged within the capacity of today’s special effects. Unfortunately, watching the latest iteration of Indiana Jones is not even worth waiting for DVD.