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Mullet Madness

We were in the produce section when the public address system crackled alive, “Attention all Safeway Employees. We have a Service Huddle in two minutes behind the produce department. Attention all Safeway Employees, we have a Service Huddle in two minutes behind the produce department.”

“Thank you, Denise, for that Service huddle in two minutes announcement.”

“Yes, Denise. Copy that Service Huddle.”

Okay, so the folks working the Sandy, Oregon, Safeway were all smiles. Overly smiles. But a huddle of the minds to discuss the service on a Sunday afternoon? It was all very odd, so I paid no mind, and kept with pulling packaged goods off the shelf and placing them in the cart while Tony wasn’t looking.

Moments later, though, there was a scuffle amongst the Mullets. One Mullet wearing a Safeway uniform took down another Mullet wearing gangster Gap. The two flailed on the ground as the flipping mullets delivered facial cheek blows as effective as the palm of a hand. Struggling in a serious mullet whipping, it was all the Safeway Mullet could do to cuff the sticky-fingered gangster Gap Mullet.


Tony scurries through the produce section, just moments before Mullet Madness unleashed like the savage Running of the Bulls.