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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. And that’s how it started with Cindy Lauper showing her True Colors—from a wheel chair. She said it was an accident from a motorized device, but that’s private. Cindy wheeled back and forth, singing into a microphone clipped to her boa-clad wheelchair. It was eerily like a scene from “Drop Dead Gorgeous”, and just enough to get the audience warmed up for the super star of the evening – Cher.

With the rise of the curtain, the star of the night descended on a chandelier looking like a Department 56 collectable. Something right out of a snow globe. Within minutes she had stripped down to nothing more than a Vegas-style rhinestone grandma.

This is Cher’s last tour. Do You Believe? Living Proof. A Farewell Tour of sorts. The audience booed and hissed as she announced the beginning of the end. “Come on,” Cher said to me, and an audience of several thousand Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves, “I’ve been a friggin’ Diva for forty friggin’ years.”

If there is a person who can make eight entrances in 90 minutes toting a different hairstyle and color every time, it is Cher. And that is what makes the Farewell Tour the Cher-est Show on The Earth.

I have this theory about Cher, and how, in her mid-50s, she’s able to change costumes eight times for eight different entrances in an hour-and-a-half performance. And, it’s inspired by the popular children’s toy—Mr. Potato Head.

For me, tonight, as I Turn Back Time replaying the concert in my head, I think the image that will stay with me, and it will stick for quite a while, was Cher’s exposed half-century-old buttock on a 50-foot Jumbo-Tron, reverberating to the overwhelming base. Oh, how Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

Cher and Hair Gel

43 minutes before Cher's Farewell Tour Concert, and I'm out of hair gel.

I'm a Traffic Expert, For God's Sake!

In my humble traffic expert opinion, the aquarium traffic is going to get off the freeway at 16th Street, to speed down the new super highway to State Street where they will turn south and sideswipe the many children who play in the street of our nice residential suburban community. And then they will criss-cross back and forth through the residential streets of Home Park, cut through Georgia Tech, and then park at the aquarium. And if they don't offer free parking, then they are going to clog our Home Park streets with cars simply so they don't have to pay $2 to park. And they will push their strollers across our lawns because we don't have decent sidewalks.

Do you seriously think these people actually want people living near by? Hell no. They're just interested in BIG BUSINESS. They don't care about our homes. They don't care about us. They'd rather see it all go commercial, and kill our lovely trees and tear down our rotting, deteriorating homes with yards we can't seem to maintain.

Not to mention, when the MILLIONS of people are at the Aquarium, they will flush the toilets repeatedly, creating a huge draw on our water system, causing everyone on the north side to lose water pressure. The sewage backup into our combined sewer system will create a huge stench that probably will only be able to be mitigated by a partnership with Lysol Spray. We could have alligators crawling out of our storm pipes! What if a fish gets out!

This is just simply too dangerous. I'd rather have a nuclear reactor in the center of Georgia Tech!

I mean, do you understand the MILLIONS of people who are going to be walking around our communities, breaking into homes and stealing our babies and raping our women? It's going to be chaos. All you have to do is just look at that Ansley Park study. It was 5,000 cars!!! It's there! The data is there! That's a fact! In black and white!! Just look at the data!

I say, not in my back yard. Over my dead body. No Aquarium in town! We must do this for our children--no Aquarium! "Bernie, go fish elsewhere!"

And don’t even get me started on those Atlantic Station people.

What we need are more restaurants and entertainment we can walk to. When is the Association going to fight for that? Because I went to Tech longer ago than I care to admit, and I know. That's what we need, more restaurants and entertainment and things people can enjoy. Not this traffic. If you were a better writer and a good leader, you'd be more like those Ansley Park people - they get what they want. They got $3 million. You should just admit that you're weak, and wasting all of our time with your silly little "master plan". Why don't your step aside and let someone else who has the skills do it. Come on, do you think we can actually tell developers what to do?

I mean, don't get me wrong. I love aquariums. I've never been to one, but I love them. I think they're important, for the kids and all. But here? Where is the water? I mean an aquarium just doesn't make sense. Why not build a giant working plantation with slaves and all? That would fit better in Atlanta.

When you start representing my selfish interests, then I'll join up. But I'm not going to tell you what my interests are because I don't have time to come to meetings. I don't have time to be a member. I WORK for a living, for god's sake. I can't be distracted by all this neighborhood nonsense. So if you don't want to be delinquent in your duties, then you'll do exactly what I tell you. And you won't delay!

I'm just trying to make this community a better place. Please take this for the spirit in which it is meant.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Don't speak of the "Neighborhood Nazis" while eating in a Jewish Deli.

What I Learned

What a gay guy learned at a straight roller hockey game:

Billboard Collapse

A billboard has collapsed in Snellville, killing two people. The hazards of suburban life.