From the proposal on the Rim of Crater Lake to the actual Union in Vermont, follow along as we develop plans for our Union Ceremony scheduled for August 2004, celebrating 10 years together.
The Right Thing. Sunday morning, we got out of bed early by the measure of the time we went to bed. We saw all of our guests off. In hindsight, the weekend wasn’t as crazy as people make planning weddings out to be. We didn’t have a major crisis. Everything happened as planned. Our guests came together and embraced each other in the way we had hoped. The Bride horror stories simply weren’t there to be had. Maybe it’s because we plan large-scale events all the time. Maybe it’s because we so often thought about what would our guests want. Maybe it’s because of the people we invited. Maybe because it was simply just the right thing to do at the right time.
Short-Sheeted Long-Term Vision. With the band finished and packing up, the bar closed, and most of our guests off to bed, we retreated to our Best Men’s suite for one last cocktail. Dan managed to unconsciously utter a few last conscience words before crashing in his bed: “Don’t tell Tim.”
We were only a few paces behind Dan. Climbing into bed, we discovered it had been short-sheeted, and I quickly pondered who on the guest list could be junior high-enough to do something like that. I quickly decided that it could have been any of our guests.
A quick-fix of the sheets, and we climbed in bed together. We read through all of the cards people had given us, and the guest book. We had instructed our First Ladies that if anyone simply signed their name in the guest book, they failed the assignment and would be put on the next plane home to parents. As a result, the outpouring of love captured in our guest book was simply amazing.
Lying there with my man in our short-sheeted bed, soaking up the love from our guests was simply the perfect ending to a perfect day marking ten years of being together, and launching us into the next ten.
Star-Struck. A few hours into the festivities, the manager of Hartness House suggested during a break of the band that we all go into the basement to the Turret Telescope that sits in front of Hartness House. James Hartness built an underground tunnel form the house to the telescope, which had an underground apartment. He would spend hours there, alone, tinkering with his inventions. So, with that, we all set down our cocktails and head to the basement, where there is an entire telescope museum. A bit surreal, but at this point, completely expected.
Kick Our Heels Up. Following dinner, we had to again herd people out of the dining room into the library, where Patty Carpenter and the Dysfunctional Family Jazz Band was waiting. When I came across Patty on the website and saw the name of their band, I hoped they would be good because they simply had to be hired with a name like that.
We had decided we would not have a first dance. Neither of us wanted fifty sets of eyes staring at us while we danced. So we decided each of us would dance with our mothers first, hoping people would join us, then we would quietly dance with each other.
But for some reason at that moment, Tony felt the need that it had to be announced, which then involved waiting until someone could tell the band what to announce, but who knew what they were supposed to announce. All this waiting and confusion led to people standing around looking, waiting for the first dance, which is exactly what we didn’t want to happen. I didn’t understand what there was to announce, because at this point, it seemed all our guests would figure out we’re dancing with our mothers. It’s not like they had never seen our mothers before. For not having a first dance, it certainly seemed to be over-engineered, or at least heading in that direction.
Joe and Eunice asked if there would be a first dance, and I said there wouldn’t be and they should start dancing immediately. And with them out in the middle of the dance floor, I finally grabbed my mother, despite Tony’s insistence to wait for something I didn’t understand what or why we had to wait. And with that, the dancing began.
People seemed to enjoy their conversations more than dancing. I grabbed Joe, who has been ballroom dancing with his wife since their first date before World War II, and we cut up the floor. Patty Carpenter and the Dysfunctional Family Jazz Band was certainly great, and if no one else enjoyed the band or dancing, it didn’t matter, because I certainly enjoyed dancing with Tony, Dan, Sean and all the other men and women in my life.
Dinner Conversation. After the Ceremony, we quickly climbed into a getaway car and headed back to the Hartness House with the Best Men. Very shortly, our guests followed, where a cocktail party and appetizers were waiting. We shared a cocktail in our room, a brief moment with our men before facing the guests.
We were not even off the stairs before being surrounded by our guests. As the sun went down, we enjoyed a cocktail before moving into the dining room for dinner. Throughout the weekend, it was a challenge to interrupt everyone’s conversations to get them to move to the next activity at hand. If not for herding, we would have never eaten dinner.
We started off with another blessing from Ron, which summed up not just the day, but the weekend as well. And then, the toast from the boys. When you love people so profoundly, to have it returned is a gift. The power of their words will live in our hearts forever.
Dinner was terrific, and served at a pace that allowed us to visit each table. We had placed people at tables where they wouldn’t know each other. On their name cards, we put a random fact about the other guests sitting at their table. These facts were different than the facts in the weekend’s program book, and by this point, our guests were maniacally competitive in trying to figure out which fact belonged to which guest. The result was engaging conversation that had every guest believing we had placed them at the perfect table.
In the course of visiting each table, we had the chance to speak with all of our guests. It’s no surprise that guests who’s weddings we have attended said the day reminded them of their wedding day. It’s because we’ve taken the best part of ever wedding we’ve ever attended over the past ten years, and incorporated that into our weekends.
Fleeting Moments from the Ceremony. The Ceremony is one of those moments that simply can’t be summed up. It was powerful, meaningful, and every word simply hangs with me. But these are the highlights that I can recall.
The Rockingham Meeting House – We simply could not have had a better location. Ted and Lydia debated whether the day was right out of a novel or a movie. The weather was perfect, sunny, with clouds dotting the sky; a cooling breeze creating a soft static through the trees. It was a simply and purely elegant location that fit our ceremony and guests perfectly.
Ron’s amazing sermon – Ron spoke so eloquently of this moment we were creating. There, in a place that has seen the nation’s history, we were making history. And it wasn’t just about us coming together in union, celebrating our relationship and proclaiming it real before our guests. And it wasn’t just about our guests witnessing this moment, supporting us and our relationship. But it was about everyone coming together, making history together, and proclaiming their commitment to not only help protect our relationship, but to become an advocate for our relationship. All of our guests were making a commitment to help advance the ability of gay men and lesbian women to take this step and many more in the future in the name of civil rights.
Ron spoke so eloquently and in such an inclusive logical manner, gays and lesbians everywhere should be proud to have him on our side. They should be proud to call him our own.
Mom reading “A Friend Is Someone Who Likes You.” – We really went back and forth on what to read, and this book kept coming back to us. I was concerned that it simply wouldn’t fit. But following Ron’s thoughts, there was nothing else that was appropriate.
Mom reading “Love is Forever.” – It’s just a beautiful book that articulates a powerful sentiment in such a powerful way. This book, both books, being gifts from me, just carried a weight that was simple, elegant, meaningful beyond the words.
Tony’s Vows – He freaked out when I told him I would not put words in his mouth as to why he loved me, and that he would have to write them himself. His words were amazing, and while he read them, I found myself wondering if I would be able to read mine after being choked up with emotion. The irony – the first draft of my vows started in the exact same way as his vows did.
My Vows – I was so concerned I wouldn’t be able to read through them. Practicing them over and over again on the day of the Cermony, I was constantly tripped up by the weeps. They’d attack on key words, as if fireworks choreographed to a musical soundtrack. In the car on the way to the Rockingham Meeting House, I closed my eyes and visualized reading at the Rockingham Meeting House with power and authority. It worked, for the most part, only tripping up on the last lines. And somewhere in the middle, too, but I took just a moment to breath. Something about the words, “I am you friend” that just get me. Folks later pointed out that I appeared to be so relaxed, calm and not nervous at all. Dan, who had another perspective, said I didn’t once stop moving during the entire Ceremony. I remember consciously thinking, “I can’t seem to get my feet comfortable.”
Feminine Tone – Throughout the Ceremony, the Feminine Tone Choir, which brought many more women than originally arranged, leaned over the balcony. It was supposed to be six or eight, but then there were twenty, hanging on to every word, weepy and teary-eyed right along with all our guests. How powerful, when your love is so powerful, strangers who have never met us can see it flow.
