From the proposal on the Rim of Crater Lake to the actual Union in Vermont, follow along as we develop plans for our Union Ceremony scheduled for August 2004, celebrating 10 years together.
Musical Obsessions. The enormity of what we’re about to do suddenly became real as we pulled up in front of the Hartness House in Springfield, Vermont. It became real on so many levels. On a personal level, proclaiming Tony is the one for me in the past and on into the future. On a logistic level, simply imagining the challenges in bringing people together from all over the country.
Not even an hour after arriving at the Hartness House, we’re sitting in the lobby, the former dining room, discussing menu options, table configurations, and centerpiece logistics with the General Manager, Patty. She’s a brassy woman with a mustache, lots of gold jewelry, and an easy presence that gives a sense of calm. She doesn’t let any of this get to her, which is probably why she only has a few gray hairs. Tony is asking a million questions about food, room reservations, and places to conduct the ceremony on the property. All I can think about is the music.
Music is important though. It sets the tone, so to speak. While you have lots of options with food, and people will gravitate to the things they like, the music is vitally important. If you have a bad side dish, people just move on to the next one. But music, on the other hand, if that’s bad, people talk. Music can bring the crowd up, and it can bring it down. It can add classy elegance that makes it possible to overlook potential flaws in other areas of your planning.
So when I asked Patty about music, she gave me a D.J. she says they use all the time. But I don’t see my ceremony being an event for canned music. It’s not something you can simply adjust by opening a different can. I don’t want the Chicken Dance pulled out to create cross-generational integration when no one is budging. I’m not looking for much; I simply don’t want a D.J. An amateur who has more talent than he or she knows or gets credit for will be perfect. A singer and a band who just love what they do, so that love will be infused into their voices and transferred to our guests.
Tuning back into the conversation, Tony was stuck on how many orders of shrimp cocktail we would have to order if we, hypothetically, ended up with about 75 guests. With a hundred shrimp per order, Patty suggested an order-and-a-half, because that’s a popular on. I don’t even think I want shrimp cocktail. I wondered how I can obsess about such details when I’m still stuck on the music. But that’s what Tony does. He obsesses about the details, so I can obsess about the bigger issues. That’s part of the reason I love him, and can say he’s been the one for me and will continue to be the one for me.
Standing in the driveway, it occurred to me this Union Ceremony is so huge, we can’t do it ourselves. There are simply too many details to track. Dan and Sean have tagged along with us to help us sort through the details. Pulling our luggage out of the Ford Explorer, I realized we’re so incredibly lucky to have two people in our lives to help us craft a weekend that truly reflects us and our lives. If for no other reason, simply so Tony can have someone to talk hors d’vores with while I meditate on the music.
Boston Common.. While drinking overpriced, watered-down Cape Cods, in the basement of a bar named the Ramrod, shortly after sustaining an index finger cuticle injury during an intense air hockey round, we met Richard, a British guy wearing a red coat and a Doctor of Dance at Harvard University learning to teach dance improving the balance of brain damaged people, who shared with us his desire to visit Graceland while in Tennessee this coming July for the National American Irish Step Dancing Championships, as a leather-clad man sang a horrible interpretation of Elvis’ “Suspicious Minds”, right after Sean brought the house down with hip-thrusting rendition of Greased Lightning. We are in Boston.
Letter Thoughts. Signing the letters, Tony wrote notes to his family, while I write notes to friends. It is interesting how two people can value the same thing – friends, family, loved ones – in such different regard, and when they come together, you get a nicely finished package. While thinking about this, it occurred to me Tony was writing notes to his family, whom he knew will come, but wanted to underscore his excitement they will be there and be a part. I, on the other hand, felt the letter underscored my excitement and wrote notes to guests who I thought might not come, or might be reluctant to come, in an effort to underscore my excitement for their participation. Between the two, you have all the guests who are going to be there no matter what.
Guests are getting their letters and responding favorably. “It’s a masterpiece,” said one. “It actually got me a little misty-eyed,” said another. Comments of love burned in our mind to be played over and over, particularly when we’re not feeling the love.
But even with obsession, there is still confusion. Some guests are getting that it’s a year-and-a-half from now, while others are marking their calendar for this summer and finding Thursday an odd day to host a Ceremony. I had thought about sending a postcard highlighting the website, and we also have the article from OUT magazine that we wanted to share with people, so we could send a mailer underscoring the 2004. The thought crossed my mind as I was signing the letters. In hindsight, I guess a phrase indicated it is 17 months away would be good, but still, I’m not sure that would have made it clear. Clearing it up will most certainly be fun, though.
